Vegetables!
Aint They Neat?
You know, all of my life, I have enjoyed vegetables of all varieties, types, and genuses. (Except for brussels sprouts and tomatoes.) I have enjoyed them so much that one day my father said to me:
"My son, I have watched you growing up these last few years, and even though you can't spin a basketball on your finger, I must admit that you are a man who knows who he was."
Needless to say, I was quite thrilled to hear this and so, with my father's blessing and despite my mother's tears, I embarked upon a journey that would likely span the remainder of my life. Which reminds me of a story:
There was at one time in the village of Nottingham a poor old woodcutter and his constantly nagging old wife. Contrary to popular belief, they had no
children and this made them very sad. One day however, after a good night of carousing under the covers, they were overjoyed to recieve a beautiful baby boy.
When the big day came, and to the doctor's horror, the child had no body! It was only a smiling little head with green eyes and ruddy cheeks. The couple didn't mind though and took him home to their house in the cloud covered hills to love and nurture. The young lad grew up fast and strong (as far as heads go anyhow). All throughout school, he was the head
of his class! He did marvelously on the soccer team, and won all the races he entered by rolling along in front of the pack. The boy grew older and on his 21st birthday, his dear old father took him to the local pub to celebrate.
Well, the proud old woodcutter held his head high for all to see and ordered his son a beer. The little head opened his mouth wide and the father poured the beer. What a marvelous taste filled his mouth!
Suddenly, to everyones suprise, out from the bottom of the head popped a body! Excited as room full of attourneys in a malpractice suit, the old man quickly ordered another beer for his son. The son imbibed, and out popped an arm!
The pub was in an uproar! Everyone was buying drinks for the lad and before long, not only was he stone drunk and plastered, but he was whole! This boy who had before merely been a head in the clouds was now a bonafide human!
Well, you can imagine how pleased the old woodcutter was now! How happy his wife would be! Maybe she would quit nagging him about 'his' side of the family. Then the old man got to thinking. If the beer had done his son this much good, what would a few shots of whiskey do? So with his hopes high and spirits on fire
(Not to mention the spirits in his bloodstream) he ordered a shot for his son. The son stretched out his hand and took the crystal glass. With a smile to the barmaid, he threw back his head (He couldn't do that before without injuring himself) and downed the drink. Suddenly, he disappeared and was never seen again. The moral of the story? Always quit while you're still a head!
But wait, that's not what you came here for in the first place! You wanted to know if I was single! Why do you want to know?? Well, as of June 21, 2002, I am NO LONGER SINGLE. Call me a male chauvinist pig but I do prefer dang good looking women, and I married one!
This Malarchy Compliments of the --ROOSTER--.
Questions, comments, or to apply for the position use the ROOSTAFARI MAIL SERVICE.